How To Cope With Grief
Updated 2024.09.13. Disclaimer: This article is written from the perspective of a spiritual advisor who works with the grieving and as a person who has also experienced grief. The aim is to share some tools that have worked for myself and my clients. For medical help with managing difficult emotions, please see your trusted health professional.
Grief, as an emotion, can arise from a variety of causes, though, it usually stems from loss.
Loss of a loved one, an income stream, a promising opportunity, a way of life and more. Loss comes in many forms, and all of them are a window into the world of grief.
It’s okay to grieve and it’s normal to mourn. Taking space to process loss is part of the human experience.
What does grief feel like?
Grief often feels like a heaviness in the heart or a foggy, dark cloud around you. It can also feel like overwhelming sadness or hopelessness, persistent in the early days of the loss and then in the later days of the loss, the feelings of sadness become more spaced out and they come in waves of emotion.
What to expect when grieving a loss
You can expect to feel a variety of emotions - from sadness to anger, to blame and shame and even apathy, a lack of feeling or concern.
Grief emotions can be like riding an internal roller coaster, one day you may feel happy about having the experience at all, and another, rage that the experience ended the way it did.
Below are 8 strategies for managing grief:
1 - Give yourself space to process emotions
While continuing to go about your daily life, leave a week, an hour or an evening to process the loss through journaling, crying, exercise, dance, art or any method you like to release emotions healthily. If there is a listening ear available, vent to others.
Create space in your calendar for allowing yourself to feel. In more difficult losses, you may feel the grief energy persistently for a period of time, for example, 6 months or more, and this is okay, as long as you occasionally take a break from it.
2 - Avoid lingering in grief for too long
Don’t stay in grief for weeks, months and years on end. Give yourself breaks from the heavy energy. When you feel like you’ve processed enough emotions for the day or week, start moving out of grief energy.
Look for the positive around, specifically focus on things that are going well, mentally point out what you’re grateful for. This can help anchor you in the good that’s happening and help you take a breather from the loss, allowing you to regain your energy and take care of other matters in your life.
3 - Be appreciative for any peer support you receive
People do not have to be present for you when you grieve. In fact, some people actively avoid being around the grieving. Whether it’s because they can’t handle the emotions or don’t know how to hold space for others, who can say. We aren’t here to psychoanalyze the no-shows.
Pay attention to who does show up and do your best to let them know you’re grateful for their support. The people who are there for you during the low times, are the people you want there for you in the high times.
4 - Anticipate imperfect support
It takes time to learn how to support a grieving person. Each person and situation is different, so there is a support learning curve.
Anticipate people will support you imperfectly. They may not say the “right” thing, they may not do the “right” thing. Let it go. It’s the attempt that matters most and in most grief situations, some change has taken place, making it awkward navigating the new normal for all.
5 - Increase your self care routine
Grief can take a toll on your mind, body and spirit. It can create both emotional and physical symptoms.
You will want to balance this by taking better care of yourself. Increase your preventative health routine. Increase your positive self talk. Increase the amount of effort you put into your rest.
Think about areas of your wellness life that have been neglected and begin increasing the care there. You will want to really baby yourself during tough emotional times.
6 - Embrace new hobbies
When you’re grieving, something has typically left your life and there is now some empty space. Do you have any hobbies you can fill the empty space with? Any new opportunities that may be knocking?
Direct your attention to something meaningful that matters to you. It will help take your mind off the pain, which can help you rest and recover from the grief event.
7 - Remember you’re not alone
Everyone experiences losses they grieve. The longer you stick around on Earth, the more losses you may have as notches on your belt. Even if you feel alone, try to remember that you aren’t. Imagine everyone on Earth who's grieving what you’re grieving now. Wish yourself and all of your comrades happiness.
8 - Ask for spiritual support for your grief
Ask in meditation, set the intention, or pray for your grief.
“{Insert name of your word for the Divine}, please help me grow stronger in this grief. Please help lift these heavy emotions from me so that I may feel happiness and gratitude. Please guide me to resources that will help me adapt to the changes that have come with this grief. Your assistance in my health, happiness and prosperity is now welcome in any form.”
All in all, these are a few things that can help you manage grief. Keep in mind that managing grief is a lifelong pursuit, especially for more traumatic losses. You may find that grief over an event returns for years. When it does, pause and process it using the tools above or any other tool you’ve learned along the way.
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For processing grief, read on in the articles below: